Day 2
A meteorite landed on earth... Is it the beginning of the end?
When a breath stumbles to enter my throat, when my heart refuses to beat one more, when its all over, where will I go? how will I receive thee?
The news reports that a football sized meteorite his home, Do you know what happened to my body? It stopped functioning. Do you know what ran into my head? fear. Eyes widened and heart pumped harder then ever before....Its over, and I know its over, but this just hit home.
If I died at this moment, where will I go? Heaven or Hell.
Lets be truthful to ourselves, lets be honest and be real...Am I deserving of Janna right here and then? Am I satisfied of my actions and good deeds; rather, AM I GUARANTEED? Absolutely guaranteed that I will enter thee?
YA Allah....
Everything is coming to me as signs, all I needed was to open my eyes, and not only that, but to also tender my heart to feel, to let it hit the core of my soul!
The khutba today did just that. after 10 min of ranting about our purpose of life, I found myself feeling nothing, its not making sense to me. I, within my breath, asked Allah to tender my heart and let me feel, let me accept his words, and let me ponder and follow these words....At that split second, I cried.
He asked: "The day when its all over, its here. Where do you stand?"
I knew. I knew where I'd be going, and if I didn't stand still firm on the ground, I will be amongst the losers. Within, I know whats within, a corrupted soul holding a corrupted heart. I know whats within, my deepest secrets and fears. No need to display, but the most important thing right at this moment, is that I got the chance to REALIZE...realize my inner faults and fears and get the chance to fix them. I know what's underneath now, no need to fool myself.
I know the sins i'm commiting, no need to say....I know what to do now, no need to cry
I know the one to turn to, no need to talk....I know what I want, no need to lie!
I know my past, no need to repeat...but I don't know my future, so no need to wait...
Finally, the word fitnah made sense to me , cause i'm climbed right on top of its head. Now its my decision to take, which direction to lead, whether the right road that leads to hell, or the left road that leads to heaven....Constantly at its head at ever corner, repeating the same situation in my head...IN A MAZE CALLED LIFE!!!! this maze would be so much easier if your hand in hand with your partner, climbing its hills, fighting its storms, and swimming its tides...that much easier. Because the most dangerous times are at the times when your alone, otherwise, your half is fulfilled, and are instilled with so much khushu3 to layer on the second half....
Ya Allah make me stronger, make me stronger, make me stronger to fight my inside and stand for the truth. Make me not of those that are blind and deaf, but among those that REALIZE and stand. Make me among the pious and the mutaqun, and instill in me KHUSHU3!
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I Just started a journey to Heaven, taking babysteps towards a firmer ground, and building on from there inshaAllah. I made a plan:
Phase I: Repentence
Phase II: Iman [2weeks]
Phase III: Khushu3/Hereafter
Phase IV: Soul
Phase V: Heart
Phase VI: Manners
Phase VII: .....
......*sigh* ameen!
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