“In between closed eyes, a dream wrapped in an illusion of thoughts
Such is part of the Cleverness of the mind, or a weakness of the self .
Walking in a land, following a trail of footsteps that matched my feet
Such was a Coincidence in time, or a predetermined fait”
-A random thought
~The Fall
So out of breath, more like a tightening restricting my inner thoughts to be released,to be uttered for understanding. Joining my presumed notion that I’m unworthy of any kind of enjoyment; well, I have to confess, I’m cursed. I would never think to restrict my self from such feeling, wanting to love, or to be thereof. A fear, once despised, will fire upon my eyes, all I could do then is shut them tight and everything else?
Even the non believers say I’m a skeptic, well no doubt that anyone comes out fully alive.
Sadness was seen from my eyes, tears flowed beyond limits, such can never be given to a child dying of thirst. Leashed my imaginations to only contain what’s accepted by my mind, I never understood the will of the heart. It’s a long way, full of roses with thorns, Children playing under cloudy thundering skies. Such way will be understood by my mind and enjoyed from my heart.
The heart will smell the roses, run through the bushes and dance under the sunny sky; The mind will examine the thorns on the roses, and carry an umbrella in case it rains…
So where will my eyes cross which inspire such happening to be felt? I know that all is none, and none will never happen. Yet my fingers are holding tight, for long lost hope. Once my eyes never cried, my heart stopped loving, And I smiled in spite of all. Some wonder how I take and hide, And how I leave. My back still curved, my teeth still hurt, And at night, my eyes were still awake, I just shielded myself with a thick dark layer; a wail of sadness but no one heard…
~The Winter (1:40)
My words were hidden underneath layers of sadness, shielded by grief, protected and never touched. For if someone delves in my mind, they will find wells overfilled; lightning striking, thunderstorm surging and waiting to achieved. Such are the heavy storms of the mind, the very thing to be fearing from, the biggest sign to an end, the end of it all.
Where did my will go? my persistent to achieve? all dwelled in a corner in my thoughts, until the day where I corned them all....An answer I longed for, came on my green bird broken back to my doorsteps...And I knew, I knew that all is gone. The anticipation for a long awaited smile was smothered by a relief. A relief from the heart, for long it was waiting, like a chapter in a book waiting to be read, waiting to be dead. It only caused headache, not heartache. For I never let it sink in and delve into the core of my soul. It was but an interest, an idea waiting to be presented to the heart, left in the mind.
All I wanted was an end, weather yes or no...and nothing more.
~The Spring (2:45)
I opened the blinds, I let in the most beautiful sun shine...rays of solitude, waiting to be contemplated upon. I opened my mind to a beautiful thought...imagination on the loose, words waiting to be spoken, words of the confused.
Here I am standing upon a mountain, reflecting on a river, contemplating my Lord and all his creation. I am, who am I? I longed to find words to describe my inner drive, my will to mastermind, my greater path in this life. For a heart opened, opened widely, as if all this time, it was waiting for me... all this time, to understand...
~Summer (3:28)
Oh I am flying, flying like a green bird, that was released from the heavens, from up above. I'm fulfilled, I became the very words of perfection, the verses from the Quran. Oh ya Allah, you have saved me from my worst enemy, My fears and the inability to love...
I have found reasons once more. I have found things to contemplate on. I have found my purpose. I have found a path to follow, and footsteps finally were clear cut and i will never be confused. Never confused again, because you are here and I'm there.
Its just a matter of time before I find myself on the rise. I find my self High on the seventh cloud. Its a matter of time before I walk towards the door, before you grant me the key to the highest floor. Hand in hand, with my beloved, we strived through the worst of times, the best of times, the uprise and down low. We exprienced All the above, plus more.
Everything wrapping into a revelation, the heart pumping into its veins, Passion...All this time, we undermined a term called love. Our patience depleted, as so we thought, we knew it all. What is the definition of a thing called love? Where the hearts.....where are the souls that foster them all.
End of time (5:12)
Laying in between his arms, the sensation is leaving me, numb I'm becoming. "Love what's happening, why is the light directed at me, what are they doing here". From the toes to the knees, to the stomach, to my arms, to my neck...and I'm RELEASED.
My soul departing, held by the wings, my angles ever so soft. Relief.
"I will see you soon, in the heavens where we belong. My love!"
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