I HATE words...

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem

A thought constrained in my throat, tangled within my jugular vein, I tried to stop it before it made its way to my mind…and now my head hurts so much. I think I've failed again, I fail at everything...I hate words! I wish I can just sit there, and someone can figure out everything by a sight on my eyes, by mere silence... they can delve in beyond the layer that shields this smile! because I HATE WORDS when they can't describe it all...

I wish I can explain it all, I wish to have the reasons for it all…But I did my part, and now it’s left to undertake on its own...I unraveled all the mysteries, and took wide turns, without even thinking twice. Why do I seem to do this to myself, I always set myself on fire, and let my heart fuel it all... Why can't I just accept the facts, the facts that were inscribed to me before I was created....I don't need pity, I just want someone that would understand... but I can already see where my life is going... I seem to never learn from the past, repeat the same old story, keep pressing rewind. Ha...HA...HAAA.... Life is laughing back at me now!

I'm going to buy a ticket to the unknown, go up beyond the sky. I want to disappear, I am anything but a shinning star....I might be the stupidest person that ever lived on this planet kind of star, who wants that? I'm a thought out riddle, takes clever mind to understand.

But then again...

How can I describe this without using words:

[ I began as a lost molecule, stranded by a gush of wind into a lost land. All I saw were thorns, I should have known before I picked up the rose. I seemed to pull the petals, one by one, as the days passed by. Wondering, questioning, finding myself high by the strongest smell of the rose. All along, I found my rose petal'less, but I already bleeded out my veins by its thorns, already breathed in all its aroma...I was already gone!

I was let go to be handled by the direction of the wind, a direction that took a wide turn! All this time, I was oblivious, i kept on reassuring my lost rose that "no...I will never, it can't, Never will it"....Suddenly, I realized that time was going at the speed of sound, and I was already that gone...I found myself under a thundering sky, getting rained on...alone once more as I begain, a lost molecule, stranded by a gush of wind into a lost land. ]

This shall never stop, the circle of life! So inshaAllah, next time, my heart will be hardened to never feel, my soul will be weightless to never bear, and my mind....there's aspirin for that!

How can I be blamed when I’m being captivated
A restlessness sweeps through my eyes
I am trapped within the memories instilled in me
Seemed to find the keys to the gates of my passion
But you already blame my heart? And I’m already that gone
Shackle my hands why don’t you
And lock my heart, please, make it easier on me to stand
I was already gone inside the imagination of this dream
But you seemed to find the way to make me cry
Deprive me from my heart long lost friend…
And so I lit a candle and waited till it dimmed out
Waited till it made its path to the past…

I never wish this on anyone...