The Return...

BismiAllahi Al-Rahman Al-Raheem

Having been swamped by the tide of exams and presentations, I am finally facing a full recovery towards what I like best: attending to my Islamic knowledge. My Quranic memorization stalled again in the middle of the Juz’, couple of unfinished lecture cd’s are waiting to be heard, and the book mark at pg. 17 in the book Mohammed is still waiting to be shifted. Well, here I am, wondering how to utilize my time efficiently.

I signed up for three courses: Aqeeda, Usul Hadith, and Usul Tafseer . I’m utterly excited and inshaAllah, coupled with various tangent lectures by various shuyukhs + TDC, this should fulfill my one month vacation inshaAllah. Oh, and finish the book and at least one Juz’ of the Quran.

There are various issues that I want to research merely to expand my knowledge and completely understand/take a stand on inshaAllah. I desired to write about these issues throughout the semester, unfortunetly, time wrapped its seconds into my minutes; Thus, My days quickened into nights, and the nights that used to be well kept in contemplations, are now being Snoozed till Fajr. Oh, where did I let my nights go….

[These 6 are going to be the subject of my upcoming posts inshaAllah: “Women’s Common Sense”, “My voice is Awrah?”, “Me, My mother, and Allah”, “Economic Crisis from an Islamic Stance”, “Islamic Gender Ex-Communication”, and finally “But sweetie, He is a Doctor!”…The last one will be very interesting, since it’s the last and on-going hot topic in my household. ]

… Oh, where did I let my nights go? I have fallen off my best of habits, being a night Owel! The best time of having an open mind is between 12 and 5…AM! Since summer, and partially due to the entrance of the school year upon fasting, I have slept my nights off as if compensating all the past nights that were lost.

My ‘will’ drove backwards, I lost the taste in Coffee, and found myself tangled in a mad confusion. My priorities were shuffled, my heart no longer quivered at the words of the Quran, neither contemplated on Dhikr. My Soul, where art thou?

I had a couple of brothers and sisters sit and have a talk with me. “Affaf, out of everyone, your enthusiasm, your will, your determination….what happened?” I remember that very talk, the witness of a broken mind in a deep pool of tears. I tended to ignore them “what are they talking about”ers!

Until I realized half way through drowning that something bad is pulling me within the dark evil abyss. Took well over 2 weeks to figure out the root of this, alhmadoulillah! Sub7anaAllah, I had to go through re-prioritization. In the end of it all, I found myself between me, my mother, and Allah.

Such is life, full of mountains and hills, and at times, you are caught in a blinding cave and are lost there for days. However, with an inner will and through the remembrance of Allah, He will show you the light to follow. However, you must hold on to this rope with your dear life, for if you let go, one will fall deeper than before.

With the rest of life’s struggles, I must tie every intention to Allah, every cause to its intended effect, and every effect to Allah’s intended will.