Shepherd's Path

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem

Today's lecture was amazing. Sh. Abdul bary speaks from the heart, as if he's speaking poetry. here are the things that triggered my to cry, and entered straight to the heart:

"A men comes to the masjid, very sad and very quiet, or so it seems. His kids run around the masjid and the father sits there in a gazed state as if nothing is happening. So you are reading quran, and get irritated. So you feel like coming to him an dsay “brother, can you please do something about your kids”…the men shakes his head, and says “I’m sorry, we just came from the hospital, and his mother died.” ….how would you feel?...immediately, that mercy comes to your heart.
When you hear about the hereafter, all the little things disappear and you start having mercy. Physically, did the kids stop running, no! when you think about death and hereafter, you forget the little things and it STRENGTHENS you…you become the strongest person, emotionally!"

(i'll edit later...but just to share for now)

~Seasons of the heart~

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem

“In between closed eyes, a dream wrapped in an illusion of thoughts

Such is part of the Cleverness of the mind, or a weakness of the self .

Walking in a land, following a trail of footsteps that matched my feet

Such was a Coincidence in time, or a predetermined fait”

-A random thought

(listen)

~The Fall

So out of breath, more like a tightening restricting my inner thoughts to be released,
to be uttered for understanding. Joining my presumed notion that I’m unworthy of any kind of enjoyment; well, I have to confess, I’m cursed. I would never think to restrict my self from such feeling, wanting to love, or to be thereof. A fear, once despised, will fire upon my eyes, all I could do then is shut them tight and everything else?

Even the non believers say I’m a skeptic, well no doubt that anyone comes out fully alive.
Sadness was seen from my eyes, tears flowed beyond limits, such can never be given to a child dying of thirst. Leashed my imaginations to only contain what’s accepted by my mind, I never understood the will of the heart. It’s a long way, full of roses with thorns, Children playing under cloudy thundering skies. Such way will be understood by my mind and enjoyed from my heart.
The heart will smell the roses, run through the bushes and dance under the sunny sky; The mind will examine the thorns on the roses, and carry an umbrella in case it rains…

So where will my eyes cross which inspire such happening to be felt? I know that all is none, and none will never happen. Yet my fingers are holding tight, for long lost hope. Once my eyes never cried, my heart stopped loving, And I smiled in spite of all. Some wonder how I take and hide, And how I leave. My back still curved, my teeth still hurt, And at night, my eyes were still awake, I just shielded myself with a thick dark layer; a wail of sadness but no one heard…

~The Winter (1:40)
My words were hidden underneath layers of sadness, shielded by grief, protected and never touched. For if someone delves in my mind, they will find wells overfilled; lightning striking, thunderstorm surging and waiting to achieved. Such are the heavy storms of the mind, the very thing to be fearing from, the biggest sign to an end, the end of it all.

Where did my will go? my persistent to achieve? all dwelled in a corner in my thoughts, until the day where I corned them all....An answer I longed for, came on my green bird broken back to my doorsteps...And I knew, I knew that all is gone. The anticipation for a long awaited smile was smothered by a relief. A relief from the heart, for long it was waiting, like a chapter in a book waiting to be read, waiting to be dead. It only caused headache, not heartache. For I never let it sink in and delve into the core of my soul. It was but an interest, an idea waiting to be presented to the heart, left in the mind.

All I wanted was an end, weather yes or no...and nothing more.


~The Spring (2:45)
I opened the blinds, I let in the most beautiful sun shine...rays of solitude, waiting to be contemplated upon. I opened my mind to a beautiful thought...imagination on the loose, words waiting to be spoken, words of the confused.

Here I am standing upon a mountain, reflecting on a river, contemplating my Lord and all his creation. I am, who am I? I longed to find words to describe my inner drive, my will to mastermind, my greater path in this life. For a heart opened, opened widely, as if all this time, it was waiting for me... all this time, to understand...

~Summer (3:28)
Oh I am flying, flying like a green bird, that was released from the heavens, from up above. I'm fulfilled, I became the very words of perfection, the verses from the Quran. Oh ya Allah, you have saved me from my worst enemy, My fears and the inability to love...

I have found reasons once more. I have found things to contemplate on. I have found my purpose. I have found a path to follow, and footsteps finally were clear cut and i will never be confused. Never confused again, because you are here and I'm there.

Its just a matter of time before I find myself on the rise. I find my self High on the seventh cloud. Its a matter of time before I walk towards the door, before you grant me the key to the highest floor. Hand in hand, with my beloved, we strived through the worst of times, the best of times, the uprise and down low. We exprienced All the above, plus more.

Everything wrapping into a revelation, the heart pumping into its veins, Passion...All this time, we undermined a term called love. Our patience depleted, as so we thought, we knew it all. What is the definition of a thing called love? Where the hearts.....where are the souls that foster them all.


End of time (5:12)
Laying in between his arms, the sensation is leaving me, numb I'm becoming. "Love what's happening, why is the light directed at me, what are they doing here". From the toes to the knees, to the stomach, to my arms, to my neck...and I'm RELEASED.

My soul departing, held by the wings, my angles ever so soft. Relief.
"I will see you soon, in the heavens where we belong. My love!"

'The Inspirer'

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem

Answering couple of questions in a quiz (tried to be as honest as possible), I never was described AS WELL as they described me....Sub7anaAllah. Lordie, everything is true and right to the point! I didnt know myself TRULY until i read this thing.... wow....

--------------
Portrait of an ENFP (The Advocate) -
Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
(Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling)

The Inspirer

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.
ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.
ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.
An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.
Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be "gushy" and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.
Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members.
An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.
ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.
ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.
Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child's best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.
ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.
Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.
ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.
Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:
Dominant: Extraverted IntuitionAuxiliary: Introverted FeelingTertiary: Extraverted ThinkingInferior: Introverted Sensing

The Changing Seasons...

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem

The Changing Seasons
A contemplation
(PERFECT song: listen)

The core of the eye is witnessing the history made in time.
The changes of the heart… I finally realized its cleverness.
It was my dream that we’d meet in a place called ‘mine’,
But the Composer had a better plan in mind…
Just tell me how the heart lives in a lost land.
This life is evolving into changing seasons,
But I’m stuck in a prison where the mind resides.
From the beginning of time, I was born into a wonder,
A worry of how it will all end.
Centuries ago remained the true values of love,
It longs for a meaning once more;
Through the nucleus of our hearts, it longs to be sheltered….

I am…who am I? Am I a lost star belonging to a farther constellation?
Or am I an autumn leaf that was abandoned by a tree?
I am the wind grazing through the soft green grass, leading to a direction...
Or will I be a strayed rain drop landing on a lost hand?
Who am I after the heart becomes sealed:
Particles scattered within an ocean’s tide.
Bottle me up so I can float away,
Land on midst a far away shore.
The nights brought me stars, formed into constellation…
It’s a scary thought I tell you!
How I wish to be blind, for I can never stop trying to read the stars.
I'm lost in their revelations….I dread my heart,
A core that’s buried 6 inches deep from within;
Always chased by the mind,
Tangling every emotion with mightier reasons.
A tangled web we are stuck in lost in between its beautiful weaves,
Wrapped around the colors of the horizon,
Waiting for the sun to rise.
Ah…the sun! Must we need a lamp to see the sun?
Its round and clear, circling our core,
Winding our memories, and we’re left dancing to the music its making.
On our tippy toes, lose our balance,
And now we are left hanging by a thin thread miles down into the darkness….
All the hands of the world seemed to disappear...
Planets moving far apart, I keep tumbling in midst void space.
Where art thou? Where did you go? Even your hands let go?
Passion is when the veins slowly start making rhythm,
From beat to words, rhyming with another's heart beats;
The soul rips through the dusty shell, and the shell crumbles at their feet.
The remaining dust remains floating with the air that submitted….
Once… the heart should be loved once,
Then forever scattered to be composed back in the heavens.

I am…who am I? A clock that’s ticking chimes,
A reminder every hour that passes by
That your words are forever lost?
Or am I the lost words that were riding to be said,
Waiting to be spoken.
I am the rhythm that a heart pulses to,
I am the trail that you left behind.
I am the very footsteps you wish to remain.
I am, but a wishful thought, waiting to be dreamt.
In need of a strong will to achieve. I am who I am…
A dark flag waved in a lost battle. Or so it seems…
When clouded by the dusty skies.
I am but an atom longing to be a molecule,
A soul waiting to be complete…A heart locked in a case.
A moon rising on a thirsty sky and never setting again…
I am the day where it will all end.
How I wish to be deaf,
for I can never stop hearing your heart.
I’m lost in its rhythm….
How I dread my dreams.
Long lost tangled in a fantasy….an illusion!
Where no rules bound my soul.
Who do we become after everything becomes constant?....
In Heaven?
Ah… Heaven: a destiny written with words
That are matching our footsteps.
I have yet to master the concept of heaven,
I keep losing my faith at the thought of you,
The reminder of death, the fear of hell!
Guide me back from my thought out theories,
Question my mind, and understand:
I have yet to master the concept of heaven, for I keep losing…

I am....who am I? Sirens serenading beautiful sonnets,
Entering through a window directed at your ear?
Speaking softly words of inspiration, inspired to tell others to never fear!
Closing in are the walls that are built around you, wish to be lifted by the wind
Coiled underneath you, taken up.....rising.... until you reach the stars.
From within, you blended in, another ray of light illuminating upon us all.
Once a lost star, now left fixated amongst the many jewels of heaven.
You made it to where you belong....to Heaven!
But I keep losing. Lost the grasp of reality and delved in danger.
I don’t blame anyone but my own faults.
I have been deemed to be a missing diamond,
Lost in between weak hands ...I have nothing to fear,
For my Beloved, my Allah, will hold my hand through my sufferings, from above...
I must be deafened for what I heard; I must be blinded for what I saw,
I must die for what I lived, and he, the Oft-Forgiver,
I pray for Him to turn all my faults into to dust.
If he loves, then he will remain holding my hand
Until I pass through the wild fires.
Gives me a breath when I'm drowning, and lifts me up when I'm falling,
Folded around my beloved’s arms, He will guide...
Ah....Strength. The will to compromise the weak thoughts.
Would you have lied to save the truth?
Would you have gave up your love, to sacrifice her heart?
Strength, in a matter of time, crumbles
At the feet of the beloved.
But one thing will hold you from falling from the sky
From loosing your spark and becoming lost:
Trust…Faith in the Highest, the Omniscient
Trust in him to lead you through your lost path,
To let you survive through the changing seasons
To come out stronger with a firm will…
A will to mastermind a path, a Taqwa:
Running through the thorns,
The thorns will never break through your skin…
And you will reach, a place of serenity,
With your beloved…a place of tranquility.
You will see…Just contemplate
On the lost words riding to be said, waiting to be spoken.
Follow the rhythm that your heart pulses to.

I am the trail that you left behind.
I am the very steps you wish to remain.
I am the Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer
A milky way composed with pieces of your heart.
I am the loudest scream that deafened your sanity
I am the very path in a lost land…I am who I am….
the changing seasons of your heart.

(its finally done)

I hate earphones!

BismiAllahi AlRahman AlRaheem,

I want to loose my earphones....LITERALLY!

---

"The Scientist"

by Coldplay

"Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, You don’t know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh, lets go back to the start.

Running in circles, coming up tails, Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy, It’s such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start…..

I was just guessing at numbers and figures, Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart.

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, Oh and I rush to the start.

Running circles, chasing our tails, Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh, its such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start….."

A new path....a new meaning!

BismiALlahi AlRahman AlRaheem

"I set out for a path to discover

What’s been missing, a life without regrets.

I’m not afraid of tomorrow’s mysteries,

I have filled my emptiness with a faith."

ٱلَّذِينَ يَذۡكُرُونَ ٱللَّهَ قِيَـٰمً۬ا وَقُعُودً۬ا وَعَلَىٰ جُنُوبِهِمۡ وَيَتَفَڪَّرُونَ فِى خَلۡقِ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقۡتَ هَـٰذَا بَـٰطِلاً۬ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ



"Such as remember Allah, standing, sitting, and reclining, and consider the creation of the heavens and the earth, (and say): Our Lord! Thou createdst not this in vain. Glory be to Thee! Preserve us from the doom of Fire."
3:191

Nothing is Accidental

He it is Who has made the sun a source of radiant light

and the moon a light reflected, and has determined for it phases

so that you might know how to compute the years and to measure time.

None of this has God created without an inner truth .

Clearly does He spell out these messages to people of knowledge.

For, truly, in the alternating of night and day,

and in all that God has created in the heavens and on earth

there are messages indeed for people who are conscious of Him!

[ Sürah Yünus 10:5-6]

Literally, God has not created this otherwise than in accordance with truth —i.e., to fulfill a definite purpose in consonance with His planning wisdom, implying that everything in the universe—whether existent or potential, concrete or abstract—is meaningful, and nothing is “accidental.” Compare 3:191 : O our Sustainer! You have not created anything of this without meaning and purpose ( bäöilan ) and 38:27: We have not created heaven and earth and all that is between them without meaning and purpose, as is the surmise of those who are bent on denying the truth. (Asad, p. 289) [The Book of Revelations, p.135]

*shocked*

Bismi ALlahi AlRaheem AlRaheem,

I am... just ....shocked!

innocense turns into a blasphemous talk, but whom the One that holds the souls, protect my soul in whose hands it is being ripped..... my reputation, all because I lowered my heart's shield!
----
A foggy afternoon turns to a cold night,
As I’m walking on my path to discover,
Such truth that compressed my mind
And made such unbeautiful thoughts.
I come across a door, not knowing where it leads
so I enter, a heartbeat as fast as a lightning.
A woman, her hands covering her face
Is she crying? Or pleading in a prayer!
She looks at me and directs me to a chair
Trembling voice utters a soft noise
“Be not afraid, a bothered smile parades your face
Speak of what confirms my predicted sense.”
I’m lost in a world where I thought I knew its way,
It lead me to believe that I’m in the right path,
Certain times I can justify its happenings,
But at times, confusion wraps around my certainties.
I’m scared, afraid if such world is a lie
Beautified for my eyes to see.
The sun rises as I witness its radiance
Shine upon the face that is waiting to realize.
A turn in any direction might lead me in a trench
I will be stuck there for days, but I won’t fight
Thinking it was my destiny, and I have no say
accept everything that’s put upon me.
And here I am, now upon your doors
I came about with no realization of such confusion
Is it the lack of faith that stumbles me so low?
Or has the degree of my patience depleted as such
“you are lost in a path, faith is not what you lack
Your patience is still in tact, but scared of its depletion
The walls in your world are closing in, as so you feel
But your strength is beyond telling, so hold so tight dear….
…Your fear is that change will not take effect
As so I know you want to move on,
But I wonder what’s hidden beneath your skin
The secrets you choose not to reveal….
…You speak to me in riddles; I speak to you in words
As your eyes are hurt of what you saw,
and your still hurt of the lies you heard,
And your voice is shaky of what you conceal
So your body aches to breathe a breath…
…so liberate your inhibitions and compromise your thoughts
Is it that you lack the control of such life
Or you bare not the hidden design to your destiny,
Accused of being and not being, so hold so tight dear…
The weights on your shoulders are soon to be lifted,
Your hands are soon to be held,
By the one that embraces your truth
and reach to you beyond your expectations…”